There was times this place astonished him. It was the days when it was quiet, when the rooms were bare except for the girls, lying half awake or drugged up praying for a release from this hell. It was the days when it was quiet enough that he could hear without straining, he could not worry if he missed a sound or someone calling to him in passing. As sick as it was in a place like this, quiet day were appreciated. For Kilmer, it was a good time to focus on his conscious. Still conflicted over his feelings towards his work here. The only solace he ever found in his life was the kind words he got back from the girls. That his kindness was welcomed to them when he came to care for them even after the most horrifying clients. Even when he was to put the heroin needle in their arm, they were still thankful it was him knowing he'd never purposely overdose them and when he could, even slipped them valium and sleeping pills instead of the addicting substance.
There were days when Anton was also feeling unusually kind. Kilmer was one of the few within his ranks who had learnt the difference between when he was being honestly kind or putting it on. However Anton had more than once caused confusion to Kilmer on his intentions towards him. The quiet days when Anton could speak to him without worrying about him hearing him or not, he would often sit down with him and talk to him for hours about his life before a client or someone within the house showed up in his office.
He had learnt over years there were as many perks as flaws to not being able to speak. The major flaw being that he couldn't talk in anyway, not even make a noise. He couldn't interject into conversations, say his opinion without getting lost if he tried to scribble it down onto a pad. He just couldn't be heard at all. Yet, his silence also made people confide in him. A trait he has come to accept and use to his advantage. Hearing one too many personal stories from the men who also worked with him. All of them just confiding in a men who couldn't openly judge or criticise them. He never expected Anton to be one of those who confided in him. Anton had been the one to name him, one day when he had asked him to stay behind in his office. The elder man had smiled at him, placing a hand to his cheek as he named him as if he was being reborn and Anton the priest.
Anton was sometimes frightfully easy to read. Kilmer saw it the day he named him. His hand on his cheek as Kilmer had nowhere to look but Anton's eyes. There was a fondness in them. A fondness that Kilmer didn't understand. Why would Anton look at him like this? When his brother and parents had caused him so much trouble that they had all vanished and caused Anton to want to hurt them. With his hand on his cheek, Kilmer had wanted to much to open his mouth to ask him if he was doing this out of sympathy. It was no secret to him that Anton had been there as he grew from a child into his adulthood. He could recall patchy memories of Anton waiting outside their house, later in life finding out it was so his father could do business with him. More than once, he also wanted to ask if Anton did know his real name but part of him feared that he would react badly to this. Anton was possessive and Kilmer now realised how much of him belonged to the man now.
Anton's possessiveness was sometimes to be feared and used wisely. From the girls to the men who worked for him, even clients. He acted like he owned everyone that came into his life and Kili never doubted that Anton might have had the money to buy anyone who came into his life and even the ones who were long gone. Contrary to what most saw, Anton never liked for the girls that he favourited and kept in his personal brothels to get hurt. Though it was no way to justify the conditions that some of the others in the town were kept in. If you were a girl Anton liked, you were only given the best paying clients who had to sign a contact so they wouldn't hurt the girls - unless they were willing to double their pay. These were also the girls when he could slip them a valium or something a bit less addicting than heroin without worrying what Anton would say. These girls had the chance to prove their worth and gain a tiny amount of control in their lives, even how they ran their times with clients.
Kili knew that Anton favoured him. Such a notion he had tried not to dwell on and let get to him. He had noticed it over the years, the subtle ways in which Anton expressed himself to him. From the moment he named him, Kili saw the world reflected back in Anton's eyes. Whenever Anton spoke to him, Kilmer sought the truth of his words in his eyes. And it only seemed to grow from there, Anton becoming less guarded around him. There were the subtle smiles. Within meetings, Kili was observant for more reasons than his hearing difficulty. He had to be ready to write down things he wanted to say or suggest and had to be alert for anything. One such meeting, he had been distracted by the sight of Anton in the corner of his eye. The elder man looking at him slyly, but on his lips there was no mistaking he very slight curve of one side of his lips. A rare smile on his face as he looked at him. From the smiles he received at random times of the day, came the touches. If passing in a corridor, he noticed Anton would seem to make an effort to have to touch him to pass him. A simply press on his arm as he moved around him. A stroke of his hip, taking his hands to confide in him and not letting go... Though it was when he pressed his hand to his face and spoke to him that Kili felt taken back by the way it occasionally made him feel.
He didn't want to be the forefront of Anton's touches and smiles. Yet, he only found himself being broken down by the man before he could even realise it. Anton gave him reminders from time to time that he had control over his fate. He could wake up one morning, click his fingers and sell him to another leader or even a brothel or drugs dealer. Anton could press a gun to his head and end it all for him or drag it out and torture him before he puts an end to his existence. Anton had his life in his hands and Kili couldn't play with that. Not when he didn't have the means to communicate nor had the best hearing to try and save himself. He gave himself over to Anton's subtle and lingering touches, the smiles that only grew in size and meaning over time meant for only him, the way he only ever confided him in him. It was one of the quiet days when Kilmer realised what they all meant. What Anton was reducing him to.
"They call you Kili now don't they?" The question took him by surprise, his back turned to Anton as he was about to leave the office after everyone else had filed out one by one. He looked over his shoulder first before realising that Anton was the last person he should be unintentionally rude to. He replied with a nod of his head. "That's cute. It suits you."
Cute had been the last thing that he expected to hear from Anton's mouth. Wondering how he had only just heard of the name that the girls called him. Anton smiled at him, beckoning him to come back to him as the elder man stood up from his desk walking over to the small sofa he had in the room. Following him, it was quiet enough the he could hear the leather of the sofa creak as they both sat down upon it. Anton turning to face him, his body language coming off as very forward as he faced him. It was always these moments when Kilmer wasn't sure what to do around him, even feeling uncomfortable as he sat and looked at Anton.
"There are new girls coming tomorrow. I wish for you to be here to oversee them with me. You're a good judge of character." As if to back up his words, the sun suddenly shone through the holes in the curtains making the room glow. "People trust you Kili. I trust you."
Hearing his words and understanding what Anton was asking of him, he found himself looking away from him. Never wanting to ever hear how much trust Anton had placed with him, not wanting to realise that Anton seemed to know more about him than he may have realised. Kili jumped lightly when Anton touched him on his cheek, gently turning his face back to him. A gentle smile was on his lips but he didn't feel like he could trust Anton till he left this room.
"There's a lot people don't know about me Kilmer. There are things I've only ever told you, confided with you. And still there's more I could tell you. It's a strange gift you were given losing your voice. You were some strange blessing in my life." Kili tried not to frown when his hand moved down to his neck, with a slight grip that made sure he couldn't look away from him again. Trying to keep his expression neutral knowing how easy it was to set Anton off. "I'm the reason you're safe Kilmer. I look after you."
He felt like he was suffocating. His own lungs were trying to choke him and make him believe that this was all a dream or some coma state. He was still deep in a sleep from the bomb, that was all he was trying to tell himself what it was. But it was the feeling of his fingers on his chin was the only reason he felt any illusion was broken. He was wide awake and there was no escaping Anton anymore. Even if he was brave enough, he couldn't reject him, even if he could talk. He couldn't say no. There was a gun he couldn't see pointed at his head.
Any battle or fight Kilmer had been putting up was all but lost when he felt the pull of Anton's fingers. Slowly pulling him towards him, Anton's lips pressed gently against his in a one sided kiss. As he watched the elder man's eyes shut as he had seem in movies and TV shows, it was only the slight tightening on his grip that caused Kilmer to lean into the unwanted kiss more, shutting his eyes and imagining he was somewhere else in the world, kissing someone that he felt like he wanted to kiss. And still he couldn't narrow down his mind, just knowing it was Anton again when he opened his eyes.
When he felt the elder man pull away, opening his eyes again there was a different light in Anton's as he looked over him. Wishing he had the voice to tell him he wanted to leave, Anton's grip lessened, his hand falling to his shoulder now in the familiar touches he gave him.
"Come to my room."
It wasn't a question nor could be taken as a request. The tone of his voice made it clear that it was a command and he had no way to get out of it. He was what Anton wanted. All the girls and men he could have in his brothels or snatch away and he was choosing him. Kilmer watched the man as he stood up from the sofa. For once since the incident, the sound of his own breathing seemed impossibly loud to him. There was no turning back now or any attempt to escape when Anton noticed his hesitation. Now reaching out a hand to him, another offer he couldn't refuse.
Kilmer reached out, gently wrapping his fingers around his palm as he lifted himself without a noise, hoping for the floor to suddenly swallow him up and take him away from this. Anton's eyes didn't leave him as he moved back the few steps to the hidden door way that led to his room. Kili had been the only one to know where he had slept. The man telling him the secret of the door and why he felt the need to hide away his room from everyone. Now he was going to become another secret of Anton's. His legs felt heavy beneath him as he walked with him into his room. The room was bland, a cream wallpaper that he had told him was for a bit of colour injection. Wooden flooring that echoed their footsteps loudly, a wardrobe with a wall length mirror and the bed was king sized with a metal frame that he only hoped now didn't make a noise. Kili felt as if his heart was truly beating in his throat and he was about to throw it up.
Taken over to the bed, he was stood before it, feeling it at the back of his knees. Looking up at Anton, he swallowed, making eye contact with him. The look in his eyes made his stomach drop with dread, Anton's intentions clear in his eyes and Kili saw no way out without upsetting Anton. Without giving him a reason to sell him to someone worse. He let out a breath as Anton leaned in again, pressing his lips back to his, his hands moved to Kili's waist, hands barely pressing onto him. Kili even felt as if he was going to break if Anton touched him more. But he couldn't stop the touches.
Feeling Anton's hands pull at his shirt while he could tell Anton was trying to deepen the kiss, he opened his mouth for him, letting Anton's tongue slip between his lips. Letting him guide him into what he wanted, letting him take it from him. Kili didn't want to give himself to him willingly. A shiver passed through his body as the feeling of Anton's tongue teasing his slowly as his hands pulled his shirt up, feeling his bare skin excused to the air around them. The elder man pulled away from him, pulling the fabric over his head. His hand moved to grab his cheek, Kili watching as his eyes roamed over his body.
There were days when Anton was also feeling unusually kind. Kilmer was one of the few within his ranks who had learnt the difference between when he was being honestly kind or putting it on. However Anton had more than once caused confusion to Kilmer on his intentions towards him. The quiet days when Anton could speak to him without worrying about him hearing him or not, he would often sit down with him and talk to him for hours about his life before a client or someone within the house showed up in his office.
He had learnt over years there were as many perks as flaws to not being able to speak. The major flaw being that he couldn't talk in anyway, not even make a noise. He couldn't interject into conversations, say his opinion without getting lost if he tried to scribble it down onto a pad. He just couldn't be heard at all. Yet, his silence also made people confide in him. A trait he has come to accept and use to his advantage. Hearing one too many personal stories from the men who also worked with him. All of them just confiding in a men who couldn't openly judge or criticise them. He never expected Anton to be one of those who confided in him. Anton had been the one to name him, one day when he had asked him to stay behind in his office. The elder man had smiled at him, placing a hand to his cheek as he named him as if he was being reborn and Anton the priest.
Anton was sometimes frightfully easy to read. Kilmer saw it the day he named him. His hand on his cheek as Kilmer had nowhere to look but Anton's eyes. There was a fondness in them. A fondness that Kilmer didn't understand. Why would Anton look at him like this? When his brother and parents had caused him so much trouble that they had all vanished and caused Anton to want to hurt them. With his hand on his cheek, Kilmer had wanted to much to open his mouth to ask him if he was doing this out of sympathy. It was no secret to him that Anton had been there as he grew from a child into his adulthood. He could recall patchy memories of Anton waiting outside their house, later in life finding out it was so his father could do business with him. More than once, he also wanted to ask if Anton did know his real name but part of him feared that he would react badly to this. Anton was possessive and Kilmer now realised how much of him belonged to the man now.
Anton's possessiveness was sometimes to be feared and used wisely. From the girls to the men who worked for him, even clients. He acted like he owned everyone that came into his life and Kili never doubted that Anton might have had the money to buy anyone who came into his life and even the ones who were long gone. Contrary to what most saw, Anton never liked for the girls that he favourited and kept in his personal brothels to get hurt. Though it was no way to justify the conditions that some of the others in the town were kept in. If you were a girl Anton liked, you were only given the best paying clients who had to sign a contact so they wouldn't hurt the girls - unless they were willing to double their pay. These were also the girls when he could slip them a valium or something a bit less addicting than heroin without worrying what Anton would say. These girls had the chance to prove their worth and gain a tiny amount of control in their lives, even how they ran their times with clients.
Kili knew that Anton favoured him. Such a notion he had tried not to dwell on and let get to him. He had noticed it over the years, the subtle ways in which Anton expressed himself to him. From the moment he named him, Kili saw the world reflected back in Anton's eyes. Whenever Anton spoke to him, Kilmer sought the truth of his words in his eyes. And it only seemed to grow from there, Anton becoming less guarded around him. There were the subtle smiles. Within meetings, Kili was observant for more reasons than his hearing difficulty. He had to be ready to write down things he wanted to say or suggest and had to be alert for anything. One such meeting, he had been distracted by the sight of Anton in the corner of his eye. The elder man looking at him slyly, but on his lips there was no mistaking he very slight curve of one side of his lips. A rare smile on his face as he looked at him. From the smiles he received at random times of the day, came the touches. If passing in a corridor, he noticed Anton would seem to make an effort to have to touch him to pass him. A simply press on his arm as he moved around him. A stroke of his hip, taking his hands to confide in him and not letting go... Though it was when he pressed his hand to his face and spoke to him that Kili felt taken back by the way it occasionally made him feel.
He didn't want to be the forefront of Anton's touches and smiles. Yet, he only found himself being broken down by the man before he could even realise it. Anton gave him reminders from time to time that he had control over his fate. He could wake up one morning, click his fingers and sell him to another leader or even a brothel or drugs dealer. Anton could press a gun to his head and end it all for him or drag it out and torture him before he puts an end to his existence. Anton had his life in his hands and Kili couldn't play with that. Not when he didn't have the means to communicate nor had the best hearing to try and save himself. He gave himself over to Anton's subtle and lingering touches, the smiles that only grew in size and meaning over time meant for only him, the way he only ever confided him in him. It was one of the quiet days when Kilmer realised what they all meant. What Anton was reducing him to.
"They call you Kili now don't they?" The question took him by surprise, his back turned to Anton as he was about to leave the office after everyone else had filed out one by one. He looked over his shoulder first before realising that Anton was the last person he should be unintentionally rude to. He replied with a nod of his head. "That's cute. It suits you."
Cute had been the last thing that he expected to hear from Anton's mouth. Wondering how he had only just heard of the name that the girls called him. Anton smiled at him, beckoning him to come back to him as the elder man stood up from his desk walking over to the small sofa he had in the room. Following him, it was quiet enough the he could hear the leather of the sofa creak as they both sat down upon it. Anton turning to face him, his body language coming off as very forward as he faced him. It was always these moments when Kilmer wasn't sure what to do around him, even feeling uncomfortable as he sat and looked at Anton.
"There are new girls coming tomorrow. I wish for you to be here to oversee them with me. You're a good judge of character." As if to back up his words, the sun suddenly shone through the holes in the curtains making the room glow. "People trust you Kili. I trust you."
Hearing his words and understanding what Anton was asking of him, he found himself looking away from him. Never wanting to ever hear how much trust Anton had placed with him, not wanting to realise that Anton seemed to know more about him than he may have realised. Kili jumped lightly when Anton touched him on his cheek, gently turning his face back to him. A gentle smile was on his lips but he didn't feel like he could trust Anton till he left this room.
"There's a lot people don't know about me Kilmer. There are things I've only ever told you, confided with you. And still there's more I could tell you. It's a strange gift you were given losing your voice. You were some strange blessing in my life." Kili tried not to frown when his hand moved down to his neck, with a slight grip that made sure he couldn't look away from him again. Trying to keep his expression neutral knowing how easy it was to set Anton off. "I'm the reason you're safe Kilmer. I look after you."
He felt like he was suffocating. His own lungs were trying to choke him and make him believe that this was all a dream or some coma state. He was still deep in a sleep from the bomb, that was all he was trying to tell himself what it was. But it was the feeling of his fingers on his chin was the only reason he felt any illusion was broken. He was wide awake and there was no escaping Anton anymore. Even if he was brave enough, he couldn't reject him, even if he could talk. He couldn't say no. There was a gun he couldn't see pointed at his head.
Any battle or fight Kilmer had been putting up was all but lost when he felt the pull of Anton's fingers. Slowly pulling him towards him, Anton's lips pressed gently against his in a one sided kiss. As he watched the elder man's eyes shut as he had seem in movies and TV shows, it was only the slight tightening on his grip that caused Kilmer to lean into the unwanted kiss more, shutting his eyes and imagining he was somewhere else in the world, kissing someone that he felt like he wanted to kiss. And still he couldn't narrow down his mind, just knowing it was Anton again when he opened his eyes.
When he felt the elder man pull away, opening his eyes again there was a different light in Anton's as he looked over him. Wishing he had the voice to tell him he wanted to leave, Anton's grip lessened, his hand falling to his shoulder now in the familiar touches he gave him.
"Come to my room."
It wasn't a question nor could be taken as a request. The tone of his voice made it clear that it was a command and he had no way to get out of it. He was what Anton wanted. All the girls and men he could have in his brothels or snatch away and he was choosing him. Kilmer watched the man as he stood up from the sofa. For once since the incident, the sound of his own breathing seemed impossibly loud to him. There was no turning back now or any attempt to escape when Anton noticed his hesitation. Now reaching out a hand to him, another offer he couldn't refuse.
Kilmer reached out, gently wrapping his fingers around his palm as he lifted himself without a noise, hoping for the floor to suddenly swallow him up and take him away from this. Anton's eyes didn't leave him as he moved back the few steps to the hidden door way that led to his room. Kili had been the only one to know where he had slept. The man telling him the secret of the door and why he felt the need to hide away his room from everyone. Now he was going to become another secret of Anton's. His legs felt heavy beneath him as he walked with him into his room. The room was bland, a cream wallpaper that he had told him was for a bit of colour injection. Wooden flooring that echoed their footsteps loudly, a wardrobe with a wall length mirror and the bed was king sized with a metal frame that he only hoped now didn't make a noise. Kili felt as if his heart was truly beating in his throat and he was about to throw it up.
Taken over to the bed, he was stood before it, feeling it at the back of his knees. Looking up at Anton, he swallowed, making eye contact with him. The look in his eyes made his stomach drop with dread, Anton's intentions clear in his eyes and Kili saw no way out without upsetting Anton. Without giving him a reason to sell him to someone worse. He let out a breath as Anton leaned in again, pressing his lips back to his, his hands moved to Kili's waist, hands barely pressing onto him. Kili even felt as if he was going to break if Anton touched him more. But he couldn't stop the touches.
Feeling Anton's hands pull at his shirt while he could tell Anton was trying to deepen the kiss, he opened his mouth for him, letting Anton's tongue slip between his lips. Letting him guide him into what he wanted, letting him take it from him. Kili didn't want to give himself to him willingly. A shiver passed through his body as the feeling of Anton's tongue teasing his slowly as his hands pulled his shirt up, feeling his bare skin excused to the air around them. The elder man pulled away from him, pulling the fabric over his head. His hand moved to grab his cheek, Kili watching as his eyes roamed over his body.